Two things are guaranteed
Death and letters. And while it is hard to believe that any regular Memphilter reader would not already have a death letter covered in some way, there is still one option left: mylastemail.com. Won't your loved ones be surprised? I am sure mom will get a kick out of my posthumous Nigerian spammer gag:
Dear mom,
I you are reading this, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, I have met the Grim Reaper and have gone somewhere over the rainbow, to the land of Burt Convy, Methusaleh, Jimmie Walker's career, milk, and honey. But nevermind that, because it opens up a fantastic oportunity for you and the rest of the family. You see, I was in the midst of a significant transaction that was to--and now unfortunately never will--bring me riches beyond imagination. I am sure my contact, Mr. Joseph Sangana, Esq. of Lagos, Nigeria, will be happy to pick up with you where I so abruptly left off. The deal is being brokered by my counsel who prefers to remain anonymous. He is referred to in the documents simply as 'jimoto'. As they say, my loss is your gain. Tally-ho. Arrivederci. 'Round the campus.
Your son,
samuelad
I think we should consider a Memphilter co-operative business venture: MyLastBillboard. Why waste a personal message on something as here-and-now as a marriage proposal? Save it for the rainiest of days, no? Or MyLastJumbotronMessage. That's the ticket.
How about MyLastMilkCarton, with the chilling caption "Have you seen me?"
Posted by:
steve on November 14, 2003 08:13 AM
MyLastSkywriter.com or MyLastBannerBehindAnAirplane.com.
Posted by:
samuelad on November 14, 2003 04:18 PM
Dear John Stevens,
I know that you have not heard from me in a long time and hope you can excuse the tardiness of my response. Please understand, I am now dead. While on my way to forge bogus bank records for some fat American sucker, I had to wait for some water buffalo to cross the road and was bitten on the neck by a tse tse fly. After suffering a long bout of trypanosomiasis and drifting into a coma, I have finally succumbed to the irresistably sweet lullaby of the sleeping sickness. However, during the ever diminishing lucid moments prior to my ultimate demise, I was able to continue stringing this stupid American lawyer along with promises of vast wealth. As a parting gift, I pass this fraud to you.
I also leave you another gift, just in case the fat American doesn't pay out: the death e-mail business. For a subscription cost of $9.99 for a 3-year period, you can charge users to create and leave up to five emails. Users can create them to be sent to whoever they wish after their deaths: partners, friends, family members, etc. If a user needs to send more than five emails, or in the unlikely event of a user needing more message space, the user can purchase additional 'top-ups' for just $5. These 'top-ups' expire at the same time as the user's original subscription. But the beautiful part is that you won't have to worry about actually sending all those simpering e-mails. The people who wrote them are all dead! What do they care? Ha ha ha ha, what a scam! I only wish I found out about it during my grifting career.
Oh well, life was too fleeting. Even though I was never able to escape our pissant country with all my ill-gotten gain, I encourage you to continue my efforts at fleecing those rich idiots across the ocean. Also, always remember your good friend Joseph Sangana's parting words: the fires may burn, but they don't burn as bad as the sun in Nigeria.
See you in Hell!
Joseph Sangana, Esq.
Posted by:
jimoto on November 14, 2003 05:56 PM
Posted by:
samuelad on November 14, 2003 09:11 PM
Here's a brief HTML Primer