OK, I'm NOT going to talk about the cyborgs. I think we can all agree that it's in everyone's best interest for me to refrain from commenting on the cyborgs.

A cyborg, by the way, is an organic being that is combined or augmented with electronic, robotic or cybernetic parts. Some famous cyborgs in science fiction include Colonel Steve Austin (who originally appeared in Martin Caidin's novel Cyborg), the Cybermen from Doctor Who, the Borg from Star Trek (who apparently appreciate fine knitted goods), and Cloud City administrator/appliance Lobot. But the eternal question is who is the sexier cyborg, Seven of Nine or Ojai, California school teacher Jamie Summers?

The Philip K. Dick-bot that's coming to U of M is not technically a cyborg, unless it includes actual parts of Mr. Dick. It's especially ironic that the cyberneticists decided to create a simulcrum of Mr. Dick, since he suffered from amphetamine-induced paranoid schizophrenia and constantly grappled with the question of what makes us individuals. Two of his most famous works, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (later adapted by Ridley Scott as Blade Runner) and A Scanner Darkly (which is in the process of being adapted by Richard Linklater) have the loss of identity as their themes. (Mr. Dick also believed he was merely a figment of Paul the Apostle's imagination and wrote his own version of the book of Acts.)

But all that is beside the point. The reality is that there are cyborgs everywhere. And they want to eat us.

The third contestant in our sexy cyborg pagent is Major Motoko Kusanagi, the heavily armed undercover anti-cyber-terror agent from the manga, movie (with sequel) and tv series Ghost in the Shell, although her apparent lack of genitalia may disqualify her.

She's not one of the cyborgs who want to eat us, however. She's just a cartoon. You shouldn't talk about the real cyborgs, because that will attract their attention and they will come eat you just to shut you up. But I've said too much already.